tot it's the end of my chaotic week n all.. bt now it's the beginning week of the real chaotic time of my life... i failed MRA report again...

i dont feel like saying much le... STRESS~~~~~~

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Makes me wonders ;

Makes me wonders ;

it's the start of the new hell week le... this week going to be hell for me... damn... so many things to do.. i've got 2 reports submission this friday!!! kaili bday celeb on fri as well... kelly bday celeb on sat... n i've lesson on sat...! wonder how am i going to survive this week... have to burn midnight oil for my reports... it's been going on for weeks le... i'm very tired le... need a break...



main exam is round the corner le... the timetable for exam is out... n its so packed...! i've 3 papers.. and it's continuously 3 days!!! fri, sat n sun... omg!!! wad a nice day combination.. how am i going to survive?? y cant it be alternate day?? gosh...



yst went drinking with jb they all... we went to crew room again.. haha... its always so memorable to go drinking wil jb... haha... it's the 3rd incident le... the first time went to crew room with jb i got drunk.. he had to carry me dwn the stairs n send me up home.. the second time meli gt drunk.. we have to look after her and bare her punches and cries.. this time.. haha... mx gt drunk.. seems like gg to knock out and all... well.. who will be nxt?? von?? haha... that is jb's plot le..



i totally knock out in cab yst.. after von alight.. i instructed the driver the route to my place.. and i slpt in cab.. totally dont knw the journey home... only till i receive a sms and woke up in time.. it was so near to my place already.. if i didnt receive any sms i think i will be somewhere i dont knw le ba... phew~ thanks for the sms...



still i dont want to face the reality that i have to go work n sch n projects... haha..



last fri, 1 of my bloody grp mates ask me if i've start with my individual assignment... she wants me to help her and all... i knw i'm selfish n all.. i just told her i have not done mine yet.. bt actually that is the fact larx... i have not start with the individual assignment yet.. i'm still doing another grp project... just nw.. her best friend who is one of my bloody grp mates asked me about the individual assignment as well le... damn.. want to free ride?? dont try it one me.. i'm once a free rider as well... n i'm gonna make u suffer... *evil me*



k le ba... after this sem i gonna rest well... am just too tired... i dont want to have any links and all with him le.. it's over... wake up and move on...

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Makes me wonders ;

ha... it takes so long to heal... but... there is not much signs of recovery... the slightest thing can affect me and trigger it... fang send me a link to view the mv of 明天以後[國] ... so nice... the lyrics... omg... so meaningful and haix... it get me thinking of ... haha...



just cant stop listening to it... haha... hmm... i don wan to think too much le larx... if not later i have no time and mood to do my project le... so CANNOT!!!

have to be happy... i'm a happy girl... i will be a happy girl... JIA YOU!!
i'm ok ppl... i shall be ok in no time... hopefully...

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dont really know what is wrong with me... it seems like everything goes the wrong way n direction... my brain n heart doesnt work at the same direction anymore... for the past few days i feel like running away... running out of the hse and hiding some where... but this will cause my parents to be worry for me...

think my tears glands are working too well recently... the slightest thing that happen can make me weep and breakdown... even watching perfect cut 2... i cant have such a thinking.. i nd to get my head out of those stupid emotion and settle down to do my projects...

tons of them.. it's pilling up n up... shorter time to complete.. bt my brain n heart doesnt allow me to run through my projects.. i've been slping a lot just to run away frm my thoughts.. bt.. life is so cruel.. i still have to face the reality and i cant be sleeping my time away just like that...

although i dont have mood swing every month.. please dont make it swing once every few months.. it is just too scary... i dont have the ability to handle it...
argh........

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it's always easy to say things than to perform the things that was said.. today is a rather emo day for me.. was talking to ppl regarding to r/s... i dont knw what i'm thinking... feeling to have 1.. bt don dare to allow 1.. contridicting... after so long... i jus found out that i cannot let go of my past... time heals all wound?... i doubt so... it's been so long.. bt it's not healing... i'm just avoiding it.. and not facing what i should face up with...

putting up an act and try convince myself that everything is alright... i'm happy.. i'm okay... is so hard... how can i let out my saddness and all whereby i dont have the time to cry.. and i'm not really allow to cry...? what i really want?..

there are things that cant be said.. nv been told... and will nv let out.. everyone is there happily attached and all.. and i still fear to have 1... but i still wish to have 1.. but there is no one..

i dont knw what i'm undergoing nw... guess the bottle is being filled up to the brim.. need to let out some in order to continue filling it up...

ppl ard me seems lesser n lesser... it seems like when they are facing problems then will they come back to look for u.. if they are happily living their life.. u are actually either forgotten or not as important.. nv will they ask for the reason.. nv will they try to find out on hw u feel and nv will they put themselves in ur shoe to think and feel for u.. well.. they didnt even to contact u.. y will they bother to care for ur feeling?... human are really selfish... they only think for themselves.. bt why m i so bothered about this matter?..

cos i'm a human as well.. i care too much on how i feel.. how others will feel... the yrs cannot compare to the partner... that is all i can say.. even when gg out with them it's always like "buy 1 get 1 free" kind of feeling.. n u are transparent... non existance..

dont ask me out if u don have the heart to care for my feeling.. dont do things jus to make urself happy whereby u already have someone to make u happy.. u have ppl to pamper on u doesnt mean that i have to pamper u as well..

forget it then... jus don cry to me when u have problems.. i dont think i nd to be there.. cos u are not there for me as well... it's jus tit for tat...

gd nitex~

Makes me wonders ;

You are Red Tiger who is friendly and cheerful person. You tend to be straight forward, and are kind and generous to others. Generally speaking you are philanthropist, and you possess feminine attraction that makes men turn around.

When you are young, you have gentle and pure atmosphere, but as you get older, you start to show individuality. Your personality will turn into someone who likes taking care of people, tolerant, and bold.Unlike your friendly outlook, you have rational mind, and can even observe your parent objectively and coolly.

You don't like to be adventurous, and prefer to lead consistent life. But you hold great ideals.You don't try to act actively, and keeps your own pace. You are not influenced by emotions, and can live life with perseverance.

Your weakness is that you tend to be inconsistent and lack responsibility.You can stand on top of people and look after the others. You have great talent in making the atmosphere lively and cheerful. You dislike being given instructions and told what to do.

After getting married you will create a warm family, but you will still like to work outside too.

this is taken from Ai Li's facebook... dont feel like tagging ppl abt it.. but think it's rather true.. in some extend larx... here is the link: http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com

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Makes me wonders ;

hmm... just complete my part for my project presentation tml... feel so tired... really nd to rest after all these shit.. hope nxt sem will be better...

well.. was talking to someone this afternoon... but i still dont get the point as in y shld i be so entu. in finding a bf?... its nt as if i cant live my life without a guy... -_-" n he was telling me he is serious... hw on earth u wan me to believe when one side you say you like me and another side you say you like this girl and will do anything for her... please wake up...! what you really want..? think he is just being too desperate lorx... is it a must to have 1? wont i be happier to be alone rather than being with someone whom i dont really like etc?... i dont believe in love.. wat it actually means?...

had rather mixed feelings recently... every single thing come falling down to my shoulder.. be it work, sch, r/s, friend, family, etc... heavy... well... i did tot of wanting to have a bf... but is that what i really wnat?.. or is it the pressure that i'm facing?... if it's the pressure.. i think it wont be fair to the guy... so what is the point of rushing into a r/s just because you want a bf/gf?... i know some may not agree to what i say.. but i still stick to my stand... don't have much confidence in guys... dont have confidence in myself either...

well.. lets drop that topic ba...

think i blog on this before.... there is someone who drew a heart beside my signature in the attendance list... ya i said before.. bt yst i saw another heart on another signature... who the hell is that?... i dont seems to be able to figure it out... prob i should slowly trace on the pen ink... is the person too sick or does the person has nth to do.. or is it just a prank?... the classmates in monday class are more or less the same as wednesday class.. but i didnt see any of it on my wednesday class attendance... it seems so eriee and sick... who the hell is it?...
k le.. that is all for now ba.. go slp le.. left less than 5 hr of slp le.. nite nitex...

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argh.......!!! my piss-ness still does not end there... fuck..!

she finally reply me in msn... but she said she didnt received my email...! she didnt even bother to ask me for it and all... after that she said she just checked.. but dont have... and she said she is busy no time to check...

ok fine.. i know it's partially my fault too.. cos i missed out 1 alphabet in the email.. but she didnt even inform me... if i dont ask about it then we dont have to submit the assignment already lorx... after that i asked if she inform the lecturer.. she said no.. said she too busy.. dont have the lecturer's email n phone no... didnt she attend thurs lesson? she said she had lesson on thurs... if she had her lesson she should be able to inform the lecturer... but she didnt...! she also can ask us for the lecturer's email add.. as if none of us have it... even if we dont have.. we still can ask other friends... wad is the invention of phone??

busy is just an excuse.. everyone is busy... it is just how you manage your time.. nw we are really late in the submission le... super late... i really don know how to explain le... n the other 2 didnt even bother about it... FUCK!!!

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i damn freaking bloody pissed with dat fucking idiotic grp mate of mine!!!

damn... why on earth do i choose such a group member to work with...? it's already bad enough to re-do the project and submit it in.. but nw my damn bloody grp mate is nowhere to be found..! i've asked her at around 4 or 5+ about the project... once i msg her on msn.. she appeared to be busy/away... after dat at ard 6 or 7+ i msg her again.. n the same thing happened... i just msg her in msn again... but she yet to reply me... wonder had she submit in... but at this time she is still online... haha.. i doubt so le.. they are just pushing me to my limit...

in the first place, i quite respect her for she is able to work, look after her daughter and sch... but nw.. i'm not sure le... feel so pissed.. n none of the other grp mates bother to ask abt this submission.. try to just free-ride? no way.. i'm not going to let it happen... jus keep a look out on what i will do once this whole project is completed!... if u dont fail ur project.. i will make sure u fail.. damn...

guess wad?... i'm still in office at this time... hoping everything is going on well... if not wont be able to meet customer's dateline... tml still gotta come back to office after my lesson.. and send the thing to my customer... suppose to go for movie with mx they all de.. but end up i gotta OT at the eleventh hour.. guess u all will be thinking how come i gotta OT and i still can use the computer to blog... haha.. the reason is that i gotta wait for my production side to feedback if everything is ok... so i'm rather free nw... wanna to go off de... but i'm not sure everything is right mahx.. so dont really dare...

later go meet them for dinner/supper le ba.. tml morning dunno can wake up mahx... hope i can ba.. i gotta stay up late to study for IM test which is on sunday morning... will go home and knock out immediately after the paper... haha...

k le ba.. that is all for now le.. gonna call them see if everything is done correctly.. so i can go off.. feel so bad to let mx they all wait for so long.. since ard 7 till now le.. later gonna cab dwn.. anyway it is to be claimed by the company.. haha... tata~

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finally... i'm a little little free... manage to post something in blog... it's be so long since i last blog... was too busy with sch work le... presentation n report.. having too much burden le... manage to take a rest during weekend..

well... went to watch Slumdog Millionnaire... hmm... my comments... haha.. its not as good as wad i've expected... my expectation is so much higher than what i received... but guess the reson for the porpularity of this show is due to bollywood issue ba.. current trend is gg into bollywood le.. but the best part i like is the end.. cos they still include the indian culture by having indian dance at the end of the show...

went to clubbing on that day itself... i like the songs that night.. but i dont seems to really enjoy it.. it doesn't really relief my stress.. prob is that i'm too too stress le ba.. as we get older.. the type of stress and the things to handle are more.. everyone is different.. and that it's so hard to know what others are thinking and all... well.. that night i saw someone like WY.. i'm sure it's not him.. cos the looks are totally different.. jus that the kind of feeling.. the way he dress and the image he potrays resemble WY... i remember clearly that that guy wore a remona top.. haha.. same as WY - branded outfit...

last week i've really spend every single bit of my time to do my project.. during office hr.. before bed.. so tired.. really regret to be in the same grp as them.. even JH wonder why.. but i've got no choice le.. have to accept the fact that they are my grp mates.. i still nd to pass and get my certificate.. dont want them to be the obstruction.. i can do it on my own as well.. and i'm gonna mark them down for sure.. don push over my limit...

work wise... haix.. politics and politics... y does ppl think that when someone does a thing is cos of certain motives? y i cant be a normal kind gesture.. y does ppl think its due to motive?? for what i think is that she did it cos i'm like a daughter to her or so... but y will others think that she did it cos i'm directly under the boss.. so she has to be good to me in order to 'bootlick' the boss.. the human mind is really unpredictable and scary...

feeling so tired in competing with human mind... feel like getting someone or something to dependent on... dont feel like facing sure things le.. but i know this is impossible.. i have to face the reality that it's a matter of life.. Anil told us this statement that he likes during class, "life without struggle is life of a living corpse" which means life will be boring and meaningless if there is no problems and struggles...
hmm... jia you ba... everything will be fine soon.. the economic downturn will improve and pick up to the previous times...

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